I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
