You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
