Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
