Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
