If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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