Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I died a long time ago.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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