in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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