Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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