I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize