So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
