Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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