never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
