I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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