dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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