Where is the hickey?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
