He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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