just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
