my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
