I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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