Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize