I got chris browned last night
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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