There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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