all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
