Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
