so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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