I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
