Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
