Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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