got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
