She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
