i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
