The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
