You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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