my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
