In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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