So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
