I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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