My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize