Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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