I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
