you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
