Welp...herpes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
