Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
