I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
