What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
