I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
