I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
