gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
