my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
