You don't have asthma, your pregnant
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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