The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
