If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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