Im at strip club and am horny
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
