my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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