Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
