Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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