Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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