he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
