I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was like eating out sand paper
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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