don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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