What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
