hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
