i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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