I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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