He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
