so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
MIDGETS
????
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
