The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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