if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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