I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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