so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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