It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize