i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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