hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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