ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
