i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
