Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
