You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
