I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
