You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
