OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
