until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
